The Book of Lists reports the Top Ten Human Fears as:
- Speaking
before a Group
- Heights
- Insects
and bugs
- Financial
problems
- Deep
water
- Sickness
- Death
- Flying
- Loneliness
- Dogs
Comedian Jay Leno looked at this list and quipped that most people “would apparently rather be in
the casket…than giving the eulogy.”
Like you, I’ve
heard references to surveys of humans that cite a fear of public speaking ahead
of dying. I’ve never checked the accuracy of this list (found this one after
googling “human fears”) but I’m guessing this is pretty typical. Not really
sure about the order of this list either, but the bottom line is if you search
a bit, you’ll find plenty of data that list the fear of having to speak
before a group well-ahead of the fear of death.
Not really sure
about you, but this statistic has always puzzled me. I actually love to speak
in front of large groups, but I’m MUCH more comfortable in front of 1,000 than
I am at a conference table with ten work peers or giving a toast to a dinner
table of very close friends. For me, being in front of a large group is like crystal-meth
(I mean…as I’ve imagined the drug would be), but it’s obviously not that way
for most people. And maybe that’s why I really don’t feel comfortable at all
talking in the intimacy of small groups.
If there’s anything
to the cited statistic, I suspect most folks perceive they’re more fearful of
having to deliver a speech in front of any size group. However I’ve always guessed that priority
would instantly flip with just one challenging diagnosis. Heck, I’m betting one
word from your family doctor or a referred specialist might suddenly cause one
to instantly worry less about a fear of public speaking...or at least to reorder your list. However in any event
the fear is real, and it was confirmed yet again for me after spending the
majority of this week co-teaching a communication’s and public speaking course.
The group was
smaller than usual for this class (probably the holidays) but the more intimate
setting allowed for more than several of the otherwise hardened professionals
to reveal that they were really sort of “shy,” or at the very least, not
inclined to want to speak in front of others. The closeness of the small class
size also made it harder on me…as it was much more like the conference table
setting than being in front of the normally larger class…which must for me,
provides a greater degree of insulation.
As part of the
class, participants had to prepare remarks to be delivered in front of a mock
public body (City Council Meeting, School Board, Utility public agency). Most people
despise role-plays (including me), but without question, all of the speakers
did markedly better than they predicted they would do. This is no minor
accomplishment by the way…especially because they pulled in off in front a
group of industry peers that were scrutinizing their every move and critiquing them when they finished. Several of the students admitted they felt “like
they were going to pass out…” but they all did very well…especially considering
that for many of them, it was their maiden voyage (that does mean first...right?).
What’s
the point of all this? Not really sure…but just off the top of my head at
4:33am EST, three things jump out at me. First, despite our fears, we can
probably all do better at something we're scared of if we just face it. In essence, we can all
be better than we think we can be. Second, there must be something wrong with
me…because this thing about being more comfortable around many than a few is
troubling...and I'm pretty sure any explanation for it isn't very flattering. Lastly, there really is something you can learn here each Friday
about that important communication’s rule. If you don’t have something
worthwhile to say…don’t. This is especially true when you’re sitting at the
keyboard before dawn trying to figure out what to write.
There are less than 20 days until Christmas, and despite what I thought were sincere pledges to exhale and enjoy the magic of the season, the consequence of work-related procrastination, the inability to say “no,” and generally poor holiday planning are conspiring to make this December the most hurried and stressful of my adult life. Worst part is, as with most messes I find myself at the center of, I've had almost complete control of the wheel the whole way in.
So, as is too often the case, please ignore my abysmal personal example and instead heed what is arrogantly offered here each Friday as sage advice that is given but ashamedly almost never modeled. Slow down, pour yourself a glass of something soothing, sit by the fire and put on some relaxing music. Spend some actual time with the people and pets that matter most. It is after all, the holidays.
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