Over the course of many postings, I’ve made more than the occasional (why is it I can NEVER spell occasional right the first try…must be the two Cs and one S thing) reference to my propensity for filling much of my free time, or at least post-school-night work time with alcohol and trash TV. I’ve actually had well-meaning colleagues, who legitimately horrified by what they see as a tragic waste of good time, ask me if I really go home most nights and drink a bottle of wine and watch two hours of garbage like the Kardashians or Housewives. Well, in complete candor, the answer to that question is as you might expect…no. Depending on how bad the day is and the time I get home, there are times when I’ll spend three hours watching TV and get into a second bottle of wine.
I do tire a little bit though of all the pretentious criticism of TV by folks who claim to spend their evenings cooking with ingredients like nutmeg, reading foreign language copies of Tolstoy and listening to Bach. Yes, I know there are some people that actually spend precious time doing such things, and my philosophy is live and let live. If individuals want to spend their time wasting time with these cultured pursuits so be it, just don’t run down the tangible value that comes from a comprehensive understanding of your cable box and flat screen. I also think TV is often given a bad name, and that folks would actually be amazed to find out what they can learn simply by turning on the television. I commented on this back in the summer, and decided to spend some time again this morning perusing the various channels in an effort to enrich my brain.
Thankfully, the first cat I came across was evangelist Peter Popoff on BET. I was relieved to find he’s still peddling his Miracle Spring Water (the supply I ordered in the summer is running low) but I was amazed to learn the expansive powers of the water. Apparently, MSW can be used for something called Devine Debt Reduction. I had been using my for other less productive things (you can probably take one look at me and figure out I don’t need conventional moisturizer anymore) but now the water can be used to eliminate money you thought you had an obligation to pay to other people. There were actually credible believers that have used MSW to cancel debts of 27K, 20K and 25K. And here we were blaming Wall Street for the bank failures. Almost makes me feel sorry for Barclays that manages my U.S. Airways MasterCard. They think they’re getting the usual minimum payment this month, and now all I’m going to do is sprinkle a little water on the invoice when the bill arrives. Now…you may be skeptical, but if you go to www.peterpopoff.org , you might stop making so much fun of TV.
On WPXW there is a show called Inspiration Camp Meeting. Here, you simply plant a $1,000 seed of faith and bam…you’re looking right down the barrel of added prosperity. They even beamed folks in from a mountaintop in Jerusalem. If you click the link below, you can watch a video of Dr. Todd Coontz talking about the seed planting phenomenon. I planted three seeds; so needless to say, I’m a cinch for the 1% crowd in no time. http://www.inspirationcampmeeting.com/ BTW…I’m guessing you’ve probably figured this out, but even if you’re skeptical of Dr. Coontz, this is a fairly low risk proposition if you play it right. Inspiration Ministries takes credit cards, so you can charge your seed(s) and (I bet you know where I going with this) when the bill arrives…yep…miracle spring debt cancellation.
On the same channel…at 6am, the Bosely Hair Restoration show offered “honest, up close and personal results.” If you need hair, you can go to www.BOSLEY.com. This may sound ridiculous, but if you call now you get a free information kit and a free $250 Gift Certificate. The number is 1-800-422-3169. I won’t go into details, but there were a bunch of very credible doctors (they even wore their white coats) talking about the balding culprit “DHT” (find that in your freaking novel). Essentially, the hair on the back of your head is “permanent” hair. They take that hair and move it into the contaminated “DHT” area and bingo, shades of Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Once again, you may be skeptical…but if you saw the same before and after pictures I was viewing…you’d already be on www.BOSELY.com. For a list of the followers of this blog that should go to BOSELY.com…click here. OK…that didn’t really work…but admit it…you clicked.
Next channel up, on A&E, you can get Natural Advantage. It’s something for your skin (if you don’t have any Spring Water) that will produce younger looking skin in just 1 week. Not only that, but it’s an amazing bargain at $89.95. My lord, my faith seeds are kicking in…the price just plummeted to $59.95 as I type and I’m getting free shipping. There’s even an attractive actress for added credibility. I don’t remember her name, but she’s got a sophisticated English (or maybe it’s Boston) accent. You can also get some special eye cream for only $29.95. You may think this sounds like crap, but you can get all this all at www.NaturalAdvantage.com. BTW, there was a nationally acclaimed esthetician (I don’t know what that is) from Beverly Hills that uses it in her salon. Don’t know if you’ve ever been to Beverly Hills, but I actually had an apartment there when I was going through the apprenticeship, and if you saw the cars people drove, you’d buy Natural Advantage.
On Spiked HD, Montel Williams was doing a show about an amazing product that will catapult your television hosting career. OK, that was joke. He was talking about some sort of little brown box (kind of looks like a humidifier but it’s a Living Pure Heater). It purifies, humidifies and cleans the air while it warms. Not trying to be a smartass here, but really, why would you opt for a system that just provides impure, dry and dirty heat when you can have Montel’s system? You can buy this for only $39 and you get free S&H. Check it out on www.BuyLivingPure.com. Montel was even showing “the guys” that were watching that you can set the temperature right on the front of the unit. It’s odd, watching him in action now, I can’t imagine why his career went in the toilet. I’m guessing he resisted the faith seeds.
On the next channel up was something I’d never heard of or seen before. It was called CSPAN, and seemed to be a bunch of professorial types with white hair and tweed jackets (with elbow patches) sitting in a classroom setting talking about books and history. I’ve got one word for you….Zzzzzz.
On WGN Marie Osmond was doing a commercial for nutrisystem. She was saying the time for change is right now. You can get Marie’s system at www.nutrisystem.com/tv. If you want to go old school, you can call at 1-888-950-THIN. Once again, not trying to over sell here but if there wasn’t anything to this do you really think their randomly assigned phone number would really end with numbers that match up with “THIN?”
On SYFYHD TV you can get OrGREENiC (not sure what’s up with the caps…but that’s how they spell it) pots and pans. I’m really not sure what the angle is, but the cookware is green and it may even be biodegradable. To be honest, this wasn’t one of the better infomercials. It almost seemed more appropriate for that CSPAN channel. Anyway…if you’re interested you can check it out at www.OrGREENiC.com
If you have pain anywhere, there’s a very good chance it’s linked to chronic inflammation. Thankfully, there is a new natural pain reliever that produces remarkable results. The amazing product is derived from cactus in the Sonoran Desert and is called Nopalea. If you’re smart enough to try this miracle cure, you can take the Nopalea Challenge by calling now to 1-800-497-8033. If you’re a cynic you might think this is some kind of marketing ploy, but if you sprinkle a little of Popoff’s Miracle Spring Water on that skepticism and open your mind a little bit, you’ll realize they’ll give you a free 32 oz. bottle. More importantly, it comes in some kind of revolutionary bottle.
Once you get rid of the pain, you can actually improve your brain by trying Dr. Smalls’ 14-Day plan. It apparently includes a healthy diet rich in anti-oxidants. Wait…the Doctor just said “some fats are good for us” so there may be hope for me. Stress is also a reason we can’t remember things, and it’s not good for memory. Under chronic stress, our bodies release something that kills brain cells (Hmmm…how can stress work like wine?). Unlike these other informational shows, there haven’t put up any numbers for Dr. Smalls’ product but I’m hopeful you can find it somewhere.
Up another couple of channels was the same fellow that had been urging us to plant $1,000 faith seeds (Dr. Todd Coontz). This time, the little icon at the bottom of the screen said www.rockwealth.org so he may be doing some side work away from Inspiration Ministries. He was still making the tie between my willingness to fork over my money and the inevitable wealth that would come my way as a result of my giving what little I have to him. It’s kind of funny all the money people spend attainting high-browed MBAs when you can just watch Dr. Coontz. He has the remedies to any financial or personal stress you may be going through right now. Again…check it out. http://www.rockwealth.org/
Oreck has an air purifier called the Pro Shield Plus. Not sure why you need this if you have the heater above that heat’s and cleans, but perhaps this would be a great option for the summer when you don’t need heat. This show had a bunch of very believable testimonials from incredibly credible real people. The seemed so sincere, and all them sung the praises of the company. You can get the Pro Shield Plus’s 6-Stage filtration system with the patented Truman Cell by going to www.TryDualMax.com or by calling 1-800-892-5275. It never needs replacing and cleaning it is a snap. If that’s not enough for you, it’s made right here at home in Cookeville, TN. You can try it at home for 30 days for free. If you like it, keep it…and if you don’t return and David Oreck pays the Shipping and Handling. This is especially appealing, because you may be a bit low on cash if you’ve planted a lot of faith seeds and haven’t utilized the debt cancellation water. Then again, at least you know it’s only a matter of time before your ship comes in.
On Spike TV, John and Char are giving people Free Money. While I was watching, they gave an unsuspecting person a check they didn’t know they had coming for 91K. You get it for $29.95 from Kevin Trudeau by calling 1-800-709-6682. You also get a couple of other free books that show you how to get other free stuff. This is so good, the government is apparently ready to “shut Kevin down.”
OK…my brain is on overload and I’ve done my deed for the day. I also cannot type anymore without some MSW and with my debt; I can’t afford to spend the precious drops I have left on curing my looming carpal tunnel. I was also tempted to sprinkle a little on my laptop to handle the typos and misspellings, but until more arrives, I just don’t think that’s wise.
Have a great day and a wonderful weekend. Enjoy some music too.
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