...and if you get a chance to hold open a door...go for it

The sales representative from a longtime business vendor had a puzzled look on her face as I darted ahead to push through the revolving door as we exited the building on the way to a working lunch.  As we headed down the street toward the restaurant, she laughed as I  awkwardly maneuvered around to the street-side of the sidewalk.

“What’s with you?” she asked… “have you been taking dance classes?”

“No” I smiled… “I just don’t want all the time I spent reading that Emily Post Etiquette book to go to waste. It may be kind of dated but it says I’m supposed to walk on the street side.”

“That’s so funny” she replied. “I’ve ever heard of that before.”

“Just out of curiosity” she smartly shot back… “What did it say about going through doors?”

“Yeah, I saw the look on your face. I didn’t know it either but the book notes that apparently the dude is supposed to push through a revolving door first (especially if it’s not moving). It’s kind of old-school, but to me, it still seems like the right thing to do.”

“Hmmm,“ she said, “never heard of that one either. Makes you kinda wonder about the origin of all those old rules and what ever happened to them all.” 

Not really sure about the original source, but my first introduction to any of this was observing my old-school father, who despite his rough-n-tumble upbringing and blue-collar profession seemed to have somehow mastered the art of chivalry and general etiquette. He strongly suggested I read the book he gave me on the subject (somehow that seems like an etiquette violation) and I  first read that blue Emily Post paperback book on Etiquette about 25 years ago.

As many have horrifically witnessed, I’ve long-since forgotten most of the manners I’d picked up in that book, but I stumbled across it the other day while looking through a box of junk stored in the home gym. I quickly skimmed through it, confirming the revolving door and sidewalk rules, and brushing up on some other dandies that I routinely violate like passing the food counter-clockwise when serving guests family style or placing your utensils across your plate (from upper right to lower left) to indicate when you’re finished eating. The quick review got me to thinking about all the common mistakes I make around general manners, so I googled the top-ten most common manners mistakes, and this is a conglomeration of what appeared on a couple of sites. Unfortunately, the research only validated how far I’ve regressed in this area.

Here they are:

Mistake #1

Skipping an introduction. You don't introduce just one friend to another…even if you’ve forgotten the other person’s name.

Shoot…I do this all the time…even when I know both names. Seems like too much trouble to have to say “Liz, I’d like you to meet Amanda…Amanda, this is Liz.” I usually just introduce the one person and wait for the other to introduce themselves.

Mistake #2

Being a vague guest. For example, you're invited to a party but never respond. Or, you're going for an overnight visit but fail to tell your hosts when you'll arrive and leave.

How can this be wrong? I do this at least twice a month. What if you don’t want to go and you need time to think up some way to lie your way out of the unwanted invite? Or what if I just want to get there when it’s convenient for me?  Well…apparently both are uncool and you have a duty to respond in timely way  and to show up when you’re supposed to.

Mistake #3

Arriving at a party with a present in hand, even though the invitation says "no gifts, please."

I’m downright polished in this area.  Even better at showing up with no gift when you’re supposed to bring one. By the way…apparently it’s bad form to wait the allotted full-year to give a wedding gift.

Mistake #4

Asking someone you barely know the ethnic origin of her name.

Uh…oh…

Mistake #5

Asking the host of the party for a tour of his or her house

Again…A+ in this area for me. I never ask. Usually wait for the dinner or party to get going, they I discretely slip off to the “bathroom” and give myself a self-guided tour. You don’t want to open the medicine cabinet or scrutinize pictures with the host standing right there.

Mistake #6

Responding to a dinner invitation with "We'd love to come! Just so you know, I'm on a low-carb diet, and Julie’s a vegetarian."

Kind of feeling like Emily Post Phi Beta Kappa on this one. I’m never so brazen to provide limits on what’s served. Sometimes I even help with menu planning with something like “We both like porterhouse.”

Mistake #7

I’m actually omitting this one…because I’ve made this mistake so many times it’s embarrassing.

Mistake #8

Using a speakerphone without asking the person on the other end first.

I know this is bogus. I routinely do this while other people are in the room specifically to demonstrate to others what a jackass the person on the other end can be. I even have a workaround if people ask if they’re on speaker. I pick up the receiver…rest it on my shoulder and then hit the speaker button. When I have to talk (the others in the room can hear what I’m saying), I just hit the button again.

Mistake #9

Making comments about children — "How old is he?" or "Isn't she thin?" — in their presence.

Yep…not a good record here. Have even asked how old she is only to find out it isn’t a she.

Mistake #10

Allowing yourself a year after the wedding to come through with a present.

See…I was showing off earlier…what did I tell you.

Below is another list from another site about chivalry. Some will HATE this…but what the heck.

1. Always open doors.

Thanks Dad.

2. Help with the coat.

Again…better than average here.

3. Offer to pay

Rarely miss here…thanks Gerry

4. Offer your jacket

Used to be better...

5. Ask if she/he needs anything

Work to do here for sure…

6. Always be polite and don’t swear

Sh*t…can’t even tell you how far I’ve digressed here.

7. Do not lose your temper

Sh*t!!! But what if they really piss you off?

8. Do not stare

Hell…I can’t even hold eye contact. Plus…I just swore again.

9. Do not spit

Pretty good here…especially in meetings. Sometimes though l like to make that really gross nasally sound some guys make just before they hack a loogie.

10. Respect your elders

Thanks Dad, Donald, Grandpa, Uncle Ted. That was good advice

What’s the point of all this? Don’t know really but it’s probably less about protecting folks from mud splashed by the carriage than it is about treating others the way you’d like to be treated. Have a great weekend, and if you can, try to spend a little time practicing the Golden Rule. You never really know how long you’re going to have to treat other people well.

If you can, start the weekend with a little good music

Meet me in Paris...