...and you look simply fabulous!

“You look fantastic.  You must be really well-rested. Have you been working out?”

If I had $10,000 for every time someone has said that (or said something close to that) to me, I’d be more or less broke. I actually remember the few times someone has said anything like that to me…because it’s been so darn rare. But if I had $1,000 for every time somebody said something to the effect of “you look tired,” I’d have that dream home on the Inner Coastal, the desert oasis in Scottsdale and the summer lake cottage in Minnesota. [By the way, just as a side note, the next time you think someone looks tired and you’re tempted to share your unsolicited assessment, just tell them they look like a turd. That’s what they’re going to hear when you say they look like sh*t…so just skip a step and tell them what you both know you really mean.]

This scarcity of such a compliment seems somewhat odd to me, because even an unpolished slug like me usually at least tries to tell folks when they look good. Sometimes, I’d guess at least 72% of the time, I actually mean it…and pass along the sincere praise with no agenda and absent any motivation to suck up. Unless I’m drunk or still suffering the lasting neural effects of laying down the bike in some state with no helmet law, I usually keep it my little secret if I think someone looks like crap. Sure, there are times when the endless hours of viewing Beavis and Butthead override the one time I accidently skimmed an Emily Post book and I say something like “man…you look tired.” However for the most part, it’s like there’s some sort of golden rule insult-governor on my brain that kicks in when I’m about to say something particularly unflattering.

“You look like you’ve had a day” can be on the tip of my tongue, but then the auto-regulator deploys and it dawns on me that there’s no real upside in passing on what can only be interpreted as a slam. More importantly, I also seem to naturally conclude that there’s no amount of added disclaimer language that can mitigate how it really sounds. “Holy crap…what happened to you? You look like you just got hit by a bus. Have you slept…I’m only asking because I care.” It’s probably that I’m oversensitive, but even if you think you telling me I look like hell is some kind of favor you’re doing on my behalf, it’s simply unnecessary. I’m horrified by that reality before you are each morning when I get out of bed and glance in the mirror…and I don’t need to be reminded later in the day by anybody that things are clearly (and rapidly) trending the wrong way.

At the end of the day (and I’m just saying this because I care…but you look like you’ve had a long one my friend), this all might boil down to more of that unsexy, uncomplicated, un-academic, golden rule nonsense. If you like to be told that you look like total sh*t, then fire away with your honest assessments of people’s crappy appearance so the recipient of your review can also share in your glee. But if you’re the rare breed that would rather hear something complimentary (oh my gosh…you look terrific…what have you been doing?), then slam the breaks on that tongue and think for at least one second about how much you’d like to hear what you’re about to say to someone else. I may even start doing that myself…but not quite yet.

It’s Friday, so go out and have a really wonderful weekend. Take a couple of days to kick back do the things you enjoy (not that you need to…you look fabulous) and if you can, take some well-deserved time just for you. If you can spare about 2:28, you can start the two-day break with a little ditty by a  once rock-n-roller that turned into one of his era’s best swinging crooners. He just might be singing about you.

The world is full of...

*Sorry for all the poor grammar, lousy spelling and just plain cruddy writing.