and you are in control...

While doing some teaching yesterday, I was running through the different job, lifestyle and personality related characteristics that can lead to burnout. They range from a chaotic work environment in the job category to not getting enough sleep in the lifestyle section.  In the personality group there are a host of traits that include Type-A driven perfectionists that like to be in control. Now, I don’t really know much about being a perfectionist nor about being particularly driven (I love sleep, trash TV and copious amounts of red wine), but I do like being in control.  Now that would probably be OK normally, except it increasingly seems to me that there is very little over which I’m actually in charge. All this reminded me of a good life lesson that occurred several years ago…but that sadly I almost never apply.

A colleague and mentor of mine and I were sitting in the lounge of the Capital Hilton catching up over a couple of drinks, and I was lamenting all the mounting frustrations that seem to be propelling me toward spending ever increasing amounts of time in hotel bars. It just seems like it’s impossible to move even the smallest change. While my friend patiently listened,  I waxed  anything but poetic on the myriad of problems that were thrusting me toward a pickled liver. As he took it all in, he picked up a cocktail napkin and began sketching a diagram on the back of it. As he slid it across the table, he confidently smiled and said, “here’s your problem.”  

As best as I could tell the diagram was a rather large circle, with a much small circle drawn inside it. He went on to explain that the bigger circle represented my sphere of interest, and the much smaller circle (it wasn’t small enough by the way) was my actual sphere of influence. He explained that knowing me the way he did, he knew I spent way too much time fretting about the big circle… the areas of interest over which I have little control. Conversely he reasoned, I spend far too little time concentrating on the things I can actually influence. He explained that I was far too consumed with the stuff that I was passionate about, but over which I have little impact, but was largely ignoring the stuff that I could actually accomplish with little or no headwind.

Though I listened, I was largely unmoved by his observations. At the end-of-the-day, (ironically…it was the end of the work day), I wanted to bitch and really wasn’t all that interested in his academic remedies…especially any that somehow involved looking in the mirror to find the problem.  He then pointedly asked me, if you went back to the office right now, what is it that you can control and get done right away? What is within your sphere of influence?

I thought a bit about his question, and as I did he asked again, “what is it that you can influence?” “We’ll,” I said, “We could probably have some influence migrating to a modern-day email platform.” “Good,” he responded…“what else can you accomplish that is within your sphere of influence?” I began to think about that question, and really tried to focus on the things I could affect. My friend was right…it’s usually not the stuff most folks care much about, but there are things I can actually move without much headwind. Build a new fitness facility…that is something we can actually get done. Install a state-of-the-art video conferencing system…we can do that too. Spend a little time letting folks know they’re appreciated…we can do that.  It’s not sexy, nor is it even particularly all that interesting, but it is within the sphere of influence. The days I concentrate on that much smaller circle are few and far between, but the few I do, those are the better and far more rewarding work days.

That same mentor once told me that there was one important key to good writing…and that was  “seven drafts.” Well, I actually suspect being able to write well matters too, and couple the fact that I can’t with this single draft and, well, you can pretty much connect the dots. So, given the pour writing, bad grammar and lousy spelling, thanks for hanging in there. Have a wonderful weekend and if you can, spend a little time with the people and pets around you that matter. The time you choose to spend with them is one of the things you completely control.   

The Big Easy Express is a film by Emmett Malloy that chronicles three bands as they ride rails from California to New Orleans on a magical vintage train. One of the bands is Mumford & Sons...and this is one of their songs.

Lover's Eyes...