...and these are indeed end times

My office was closed for a snow day again this week…and so was the Federal Government and just about every school district I’m aware of in the region. Like most things, we do snow days differently inside the beltway than they do in the rest of the country because we know better. To the best of my knowledge, most other metropolitan areas have some minimal criteria for shutting down a city because of snow, not the least of which is the existence of well…actual snow. But this is the nation’s capital, where we shut down things down because of excessively heavy mist.

It was about 4:30am Wednesday when while sitting in my basement gym between bench-press sets, I received an email saying that the operating status for the Government was “CLOSED” (they put in the full-caps for added drama). I don't work for the federal goverment, but we wisely follow their good example. At first glance you might be wondering how closing the government was unlike any other day, but this is actually a bit different.  Sure, like most days nothing would again be accomplished, but on a snow day folks have the added benefit of staying home in their jammies while no progress is made.

I glanced out the basement window to view the conditions that led to the ominous closure and noticed what appeared to be about a half inch of slushy snow on my car. The precipitation had not stuck to the ground, and aside from the drifts caused by the working folks that spread salt down in anticipation of the rain to wash it away later, the streets looked…well…they looked wet (there were some menacing looking puddles though). Just as a side note, isn’t it odd that it’s OK for working people to be out treating roads, but it’s unsafe for others to be in an office? If that wasn’t threatening enough…the deteriorating conditions seemed to be all the more dangerous because of the heavy non-frozen mist that was now falling at a rate that appeared to be about an inch a week. Even more haunting, the temperature outside the house was only about 4 degrees above freezing…and every forecast I saw leading up to the storm predicted that the temperature might actually plummet to as much as 3 degrees above freezing.

After I finished my workout, I put on the local news (they started a half-hour early at 4am for Special Storm Center Coverage) and the local Fox station had folks all over outlying areas standing under umbrellas while large “fist sized” flakes flew by the camera and melted on the non-frozen pavement. The reporters, many of whom appeared to be dressed for an ascent up Everest as opposed to the 38 degree rainy sea-level conditions they were actually dealing with, implored folks not to travel “unless absolutely necessary.”

Being the quintessential dumbass that loves Russian Roulette and secretly longs to die well-before my time, I ignored the warnings and put on my Sorel boots (good to 30 below) and duck brown Carhartt jacket and headed out into the elements to cheat death. The non-frozen mist had transitioned now to a heavier mist, and before even driving down the deserted street, I had to use my bare hand to wipe the ½ inch of slush of my front and side windows. That should have been a sign, as I lost a full 30 seconds I hadn’t counted on.

Perhaps as a testament to my North Dakota roots, I managed to navigate the rain-wetted streets and arrived in downtown DC unscathed. At headquarters, the pavement was also wet, but because it had done nothing but rain, the standing puddles were about 1/32” of an inch deep.

The rain continued all day, and I spent much of the day answering phone calls from folks located in the District that unlike the government, didn’t stop everything for the rain. As I looked out my office window across the wet pavement and damp green grass at the park across the street, I couldn’t help but think of my cold-country ancestors.

 

They weren’t trying to deal with things like the avoiding the fiscal cliff, sequestration, threats of a nuclear hit from a crazed foreign whack job or improving conditions for America’s working people, they were just trying to put food on the table and make a basic go of it. I’d give anything to be transported back to that early North Dakota farm, where rolling out of bed and doing chores was key to your basic survival. It would be fun to see my mom and uncle huddled by the radio in their PJs happily listening to some program instead of doing the needed chores. It would be fun to see the reaction when my grandpa asked them why they weren’t working, only to have them respond…  “we know it’s lightly raining now, but the guy on the radio said it might snow later.”

There is only one thing to take away from this…and it isn’t good. Actually, that’s not true…there is probably one good thing. My wife, who teaches at a nearby school that also closed for the rain, stayed home and had a leisurely day. She texted me that Scotty, Laura, Luke, Ana, Scorpio, Felicia, Mac, Duke and just about every other classic character are all back on General Hospital. So next time it’s forecast to snow, we’ll all have something worthwhile to do while we sit home during the rain.

 

Enjoy a little post storm music...

Sorry for all the mispellings, typos and poor grammar.