...and there's still a few days to sit by fire

In my mind, this holiday season was going to be different. Despite a very bad trend in recent years of letting it all slip by way too quickly, this December I was going to learn from the mistakes of the past and really enjoy a nice, slow, festive, and rejuvenating holidays. Like a lot of blueprints this all looked good on paper, but as too often happens, the challenge of transferring that theory into action was again too much for me.

 

I've felt increasingly disgusted and resentful over the last few Decembers at the way I've allowed work and everyday life to somehow conspired to rob me of the holiday magic. Whether it’s the seeming 24/7 nature of the job, the inability to ever really unplug from technology (or work in general) or just the increasingly frenzied nature of everyday life, somehow what used to seem like a more relaxed time of year now somehow the craziest. As if that wasn’t enough, this year’s compressed time period between Thanksgiving and Christmas somehow seemed to collude with everything else to make it the shortest holiday season in my lifetime.

Like every year, I had visions of early shopping and being prepared to the point that I could take it all in and just sort of stroll from one holiday party to the other humming carols in the crisp air while truly wallowing in the magic. There was supposed to be chestnuts on open fires, sleigh bells, yuletide carols and frosted window panes. Instead, it’s been cheeseburgers, tense meetings, honking horns and my lawn is still greener than it often is in the summer.

This year there was going to be relaxing nights by the fire, glistening trees,  glasses of red-wine and visiting with friends while Frank and Bing softly serenaded us with holiday favorites. In fairness, there’s been some of that (two…maybe three nights so far), but the truth is I’ve spent more time perusing internet gift sites and stressing about all my undone shopping than hanging mistletoe or sipping egg nog. But just like recent years, and despite the best laid plans, the season’s been mostly a bust. At the end of the day, all that came my way this holiday season was more stress…and for the record, that is the one thing that I already possess in complete abundance.

I guess what is so incredibly sad is that I’m writing this post while working off last year’s draft. As a matter-of-fact, at least a couple of the sentences are simply cut-and-pasted from the post that appeared on 12/20/13. The worst part is I recognize this is a reoccurring  theme and even escalating trend , but for some reason I refuse to make the necessary adjustments that would alter the frustration that comes from letting it all slip away. I’m 53, which means I have at least that many (or is it 54) Christmases in my rearview mirror. I love the holiday season, but despite glaring evidence and repeated opportunities to alter the outcome, I continue to let the hustle and bustle rob me making it all that it should be.

Last night I was driving home from some speaking engagement thing that I moronically allowed to be scheduled one week before Christmas…on the third night of Hanukah. My wife has lit the candles each evening, but I haven’t been around to join in the ritual because I’ve been at work. Yesterday, because of my poor planning, I missed my two favorite holiday parties of the year…and traded them instead for a harried 2-hour commute (each way) and frayed nerves.

What’s the point of all this? Well, if nothing else, it seems to me that it shows that I’m apparently incapable of learning anything. It also might again show that I’m short on fresh material, as I had to rely on a previous post to come up with today’s blog. Whatever is behind it, there is still time to then pop Dean Martin CD (or whatever is the modern-day equivalent…I can’t keep track), kick back by the fire and just chill. It might be good too if you can avoid doing what I’ve done here by not feeling sorry for yourself.

Whatever you’re dealing with, even if it’s the disappointment that comes from yet another season that didn’t meet expectations, there are hoards of people that have it much worse than you. If you think about it, we’re all one diagnosis from making much of what we stress about all seem awfully trivial. So,  try to think for a minute about those with bigger struggles and if you know somebody that’s having a tough time, you might want to give them a hug…or do at least something to let them know you care.

Have a great holiday weekend…

Merry Christmas Baby...

...and I've got to get to another holdiay party

About five or six years ago…a couple of colleagues and I went over to a local cigar bar in DC for a little holiday cheer. The two chaps with me were great friends with each other…and they were literal giants in my field of work. To be honest, I was more-or-less an underling just tagging along as I often did when these two pros would get together…and consistent with their brotherly code…they’d once again graciously let me join them for an evening of camaraderie.

The joint where we were is nice enough for me, but one of the guys complained about the “dive” nature of the place. We were having a blast nonetheless, and as always, it was a treat for me to spend some time with a couple of true leaders that have literally forgotten more about the work I’m supposed to know than I will ever fully grasp.

After sitting there for a couple of hours laughing and telling multiple lies, one fellow mentioned that we should probably go out to dinner. It was about 8:30pm on a school night, and even though I was in my late 40s at the time…I remember feeling so high-browed and important as we ventured out of the bar to have supper at a time when I’m usually passed out at home on the couch. It was a bitterly cold December night…so it took us more than a few minutes to gear up for the elements before going out in the cold.

The wife of one of the guys was just getting off work, so she generously offered to pick us up outside the bar and spare us the uncomfortable walk over to the steakhouse. As we exited the bar laughing and yucking in up, my friends wife waited for us double-parked in the street. The parking spaces along the curb were full…so you had to make your way between the parked cars to get to our waiting ride. I barely noticed but there was a homeless guy passed out on the street in the gap immediately in front of us (the shortest route to the waiting car) so I just nonchalantly stepped over him and made my way to the warmth of the idling car.

My more civilized colleagues actually walked around and we were all still laughing as we quickly piled into the cozy Lincoln. Once we were all seated, my friend’s wife asked if that was a man I’d stepped over on the sidewalk by the gutter.

“Yes”…I replied… “I guess so.”

“How could you just walk over that guy like he wasn’t even there?” she protested…  “it’s 10 degrees outside.”

“What do you want me to do?” I asked… “he was blocking my way.”

“Just take us to the restaurant and don’t worry about it” my friend chimed in… “let’s go.”

“No!” she exclaimed… “I’m not moving this vehicle until one of you has the decency to see if he’s OK. He could be dead…it’s frigid.”

We contemplated just jumping out and braving the elements by walking over to the swanky restaurant, but one of the guys jumped out and walked over to the man lying on the pavement. The rest of us watched out the window as my friend helped the man to his feet, appeared to give him something…and then almost astonishingly, began laughing and chatting with him before finally giving him a hug.

It was no inauthentic obligatory partial clasp either…it was a genuine hug. BTW…there are plenty (maybe more) downsides, but if you ever really wonder the benefits of something like red wine…this was one of those moments it should be perfectly clear. My friend is as good a man as anyone I know, but I’m not sure he would have done that had he just spent the last two and a half hours drinking four glasses of whole milk.

As my friend climbed back into the car, the rest of us just kind of sat there in disbelief and momentary silence.

“Is he OK?” asked our almost annoyingly concerned driver.

“Yeah…he was just sleeping…I think he’ll be fine” responded my friend.

“What did you do exactly?” I asked… “how’d you make him laugh and why in the world did you hug him?”

“I just helped him up…asked if he’d be OK…and if he needed anything. He said he could use a drink…so I gave him $20.00 and told him to get two. That’s when he started to laugh. I decided to give him $10.00 more and told him to get something to eat too. He said it was a great gift and wished me a Merry Christmas…so I just hugged him.”

You know…I think I’ll just stop this story right here.

When I was younger and living in Los Angeles, I would stop every Sunday morning at a Winchell’s donut shop on the corner of Pico and Sepulveda (Across from Anwalt Lumber and the Oshman’s Sporting Goods) while on my way to church in Santa Monica. I was working as a union electrical apprentice at the time and always felt flush…so I’d take a few extra bucks to buy a few nice cinnamon rolls that I’d randomly hand out to homeless folks I’d see on the street in Santa Monica.  

So far this season, and for about the next week or so, I'll continue to make the holiday party circuit moving from event to event, all complete with clinking cocktail glasses and platters of hot appetizers. At a couple of these affairs, they'll be ice sculptures worth more than my entire wardrobe.  Somehow such experiences and my life in this city have hardened me to those less fortunate…and since that night described above, I’ve coldly walked by hundreds of homeless people…including quite a few folks just the other night while returning from a wonderful dinner in uptown Manhattan. Now that I’m older and look back over the last few years, I wish I’d helped more people on cold nights in December. But maybe I’ll get another chance over the next few weeks...and who knows...if I have enough wine…I might even give somebody a hug.

Happy Holidays…

 

Busy feet hustle by him...