...so think twice before you hit the send button.

A colleague much smarter than me (that’s not a stretch…they’re all smarter than me) sent me and another co-worker an email earlier in the week that they were proposing to send to someone else. In essence, they sent it along as a draft…in hopes that the two of us might essentially check it for tone (just by reading this you should know they weren’t seeking my expertise around spelling, grammar or appropriate apostrophe placement).  In typical fashion the overflowing nature of my inbox coupled with my pitiful inability to keep up with the insane email volume conspired to result in my reading the message long after it was sent, and many hours after any input I might provide would be of any benefit.  

I did however send along a late evening reply though…thanking the sender for being confident enough to have others check the message and just a general confession that my best days are probably those when I leave the office with at least three unsent messages in my Drafts folder. It’s always those special three…where I’ve really let it rip…and given the potential recipient everything they deserved and managed to do it in a sarcastic way that would have provided me unmatched temporary satisfaction. Conversely, my worst days, or at least my most regrettable, are often the ones when the Drafts folder is completely empty and I’ve managed to hit the send button on every composed email.  The exchange got me to thinking how the workplace and generally the world would probably be a lot happier place if people periodically had their emails proofed before hitting send. That got me to thinking about how much happier my life might be if I could apply that same practice to the words that come out of my mouth.

A couple of days later I was leaving the house about 6:30 when I realized I’d walked outside and jumped into my crappy old car without my smartphone. It’s not like I’d forgotten my  wallet, driver’s license or heart medication…so I got out of the car and walked up the steps into the house to retrieve my electronic equivalent of crystal meth. When I grabbed my phone I noticed there was a message from a coworker, and when I read it, my blood began to simmer. I actually started driving up the street, but stopped to compose the snarkiest and most acidic yet gratifying response I could muster. I suspect I was smiling as I plucked way…angrily typing everything the potential recipient clearly deserved. Then, after a couple of very satisfying paragraphs, I stopped and thought about the old Dale Carnegie adage. Trust your emotions…listen keenly to what they are telling you…then…put them aside and essentially do the opposite. For me, that has been a lifesaver…and pretty much the only reason I’m still employable. So…I wisely heeded Dale’s sage advice and deleted the email. I responded instead in a professional and kind manner that was the polar opposite of my emotional instinct. Now… if the story only stopped there.

About an hour later I was sitting in the office when the person that sent me the morning email that boiled my blood walked into the office. Initially, I was candidate for the Carnegie hall of fame. I may have actually even forced a smile. That actually worked for about 15 seconds, but before long I was verbally letting it rip and managed to share all my unsent email thoughts and then some. Much of what I said wasn’t even really germane (not really sure what that means…but I’ve always loved that word), but man, it was nice to get it off my chest. It really did feel good…at least it felt that way for about eight seconds. Then, after the glee of letting it all out passed, I wished I’d hadn’t hit the verbal send button.

A long time ago a strange and still unexplained set of circumstances plunged me into a situation where I was serving as a “rater” in a big time interview process for a very large employer. I’d never done it before and was in way over my head. Essentially, me and another rater colleague would sit in a padded room (seriously) and interview a potential job applicant. My rating partner was a much older chap that smacked of wisdom and success. He had graying hair…a crisp ironed white shirt with a red bow tie (I still don’t even know how to tie a two tie) and a blue blazer. To me…he looked like a Supreme Court Justice or someone that would be President of Harvard. The session was recorded, and we’d each ask a prescribed set of question. One of the candidates, ironically the most impressive by far to this point, responded horribly to one of the last questions that was obviously designed to check their ethical inclinations. Amazed…I reworded the question and the respondent stunningly provided the same bad answer. After the candidate left, my much older and wiser colleague turned to me and said something like this… “you know…as I look back on my life, the things I really regret the most are some of the bad things I’ve said…not some of the good things I’ve left unsaid.”

Hopefully you’re not…but in the regrettable case you’re anything like me, think for a minute before you hit the send button. Actually, if you really are anything like me…try to change…but in the meantime, you may even want to apply that same restraint principle to more than your keyboard.  Have a wonderful weekend and do something fun that matters with the people you love. Over the long haul, that will dwarf anything you might be thinking is more important that happens at work.

Sorry for all the errors and the horrific writing. I violated every rule today…and time only allowed for one draft and zero proofing.

 

With rails of steel...that reach the soul...