Friday, October 11, 2013

...and I'm going to try to complain a little less today

There are probably years that go by in between the times I recall the experience, but I do think about it from time and time and it always rushes back every time I climb into the garage attic of my parent’s home in Santa Paula, California. As you ascend the pull-down ladder that provides access to the space above my 84 year-old mom’s light blue full-sized 8 cylinder Mercury Grand Marquis, there’s a well-preserved wooden chest with a white, blue, and yellow Los Angeles Rams bumper sticker on the lid. The large American made wooden box sat in the southwest corner of my room in West Los Angeles when I was a child, and for a good part of my early life it was filled with a bounty of toys.

Sometime in the late 1960’s when I was somewhere about 7 or 8 years old, I’d received a gift from a relative in the days leading up to the Christmas holiday. To be honest I don’t even remember what it was...but I do vaguely recall not expressing near enough appreciation to satisfy my no-nonsense Depression era father. Like many of his hard knocks generational peers, I suspect even my hard-assed dad was content to spoil his child and spare me much of the suffering he’d experienced growing up in rural Washington state (outside Tacoma) with next to nothing, but whatever bellyaching I was doing that conveyed the lack of gratitude for what I’d received had obviously been overdone in my father’s mind…and on this particular morning in mid-December…he’d clearly had enough.

After listening to another round of my complaining, my dad abruptly told me go into my room and empty out my toy chest. He said I could keep three of my favorite things (there had to be at least 30 items in there), but that all of the other less-desirable stuff should be removed. I could tell he was not happy, but didn’t know at all why I was being asked to remove the items. I suspect for a minute I wondered if with Christmas just days away it was to make room for more good stuff, but I remembering having no real clue. My parents almost never argued, but I remember hearing them heatedly discussing something in the den as I sorted through my toys…but I really couldn’t catch the content or pick up the meaning of their spirited exchange.

I remember kneeling down by the chest with the lid open, pulling out bags of little green army men, my red “hot potato” with a timer on the back, a slinky, my Matchbox cars and some games like Operation (I can still picture the face of the guy on the front). There were Hot Wheels, a Wheelo, some Flippy the Frogmen, a couple of GI Joes, cowboy cap guns, a couple of nice footballs and even an “official” plastic blue and white Rams’ helmet like my heroes Deacon Jones and Merlin Olsen wore. There was also this huge read and white metal Texaco gasoline truck that was so big you could actually sit on it. I’m actually not even sure General Motors uses that much real metal in the Cadillacs they build these days.

As I sifted through all my toys, I remember struggling to find the best three…and the truth is this would be a better story if I could recall what I actually chose to keep. As I was working my through my things my father came in with some empty cardboard boxes, and told me to pack the stuff I’d removed. As each box was filled, my father picked them up and carried them down to our black ’65 Pontiac. Then, he told me to put on a coat and that we’d be going for a drive. I still had no clue what was happening, but I knew enough to know that I’d apparently screwed something up and that asking a whole lot of questions probably wasn’t in my best interest.

My dad didn’t say much as we drove away from the house, and I remember vividly how he drove with purpose and having no sense that he needed any directions. As I looked out the window in silence, it become obvious that we were headed into a neighborhood where the homes weren’t near as nice as mine. After what seemed like about a 20 minute drive, my dad pulled off of a main avenue and onto a residential street. As we came up to the first house…there were some young kids (even younger than me) playing out in the front yard of the very old and modest home. My father instructed me to get out of the car, and he jumped out and opened the trunk. Then, to my disbelief, he told me to remove the boxes of my toys from the trunk and give them to the kids playing in the yard. When I hesitated, he picked up the first box and walked over to the disbelieving children.

They were pretty tentative at first…but within seconds, they recognized that Santa had come to town early and began screaming with jubilation at their unplanned good fortune. Within what seemed like seconds, several other kids streamed out of neighboring houses and my father handed them toys as well. I distinctly remember him telling me…  “go get a box…start handing them out.” When we were done several of the parents came outside and with a mix of disbelief, caution and genuine gratitude…offered their bewildered thanks. I remember looking at the mother standing on the rotting wooden steps of the house where we’d distributed the toys…holding her hands over her face with a white handkerchief and crying. She kept mouthing the words…thank you, thank you, thank you.

When we got back to the car my father seemed to be in a better mood. I don’t remember how long we stayed there, but I do recall that he didn’t start the car immediately. He just sat there and watched the elated kids playing with all my old stuff. Then…as he looked out the window….he said something close to the following. “Your mother thought it was cruel to make you give away your toys, and though it’s tough for you to see now…you’ll probably have more stuff soon than you know what to do with before too long. In the meantime, recognize that so much of the things you never had time to play with are like gold to those kids that have less…so when we get back home…see if you can’t be a little more grateful for what you do have. I don’t want to hear any more of your complaining.”

End of story.

It’s Friday, and as we slide into Fall and prepare for the fast-approaching holiday season, make these next few days really count for something.  Most of us want more, but if you're reading this on something that plugs into the wall or is powered by a battery, you're probably living more comfortably than a huge part of the population that lives on less than $1.25 a day or that has never heard a dial tone. Whatever you end up doing these next few days, see if you can’t approach the time away with a sense of gratitude for all that you actually do have.

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