...and I'm going to the bookstore

Sometime last summer…maybe even before that, I accompanied my wife to a local bookstore on Connecticut Avenue called Politics and Prose. Unlike me, my wife is a voracious reader, and she literally goes through books faster than anyone I know. Thanks to a severe internet addiction to useless infromation and a welcome proliferation of trash television, I have not found the need to waste much time reading. There are times however when even the “Orange County Choppers” or “Gold Rush” reruns get old, and I actually regress to the point where I resign myself to killing  time with books.

So…when I joined my better-half at the bookstore on that day months ago, I was hoping to make the visit tolerable by spending time in the periodical section with the latest editions of NASCAR Weekly and Field and Stream. However as I climbed the stairs up from the store’s basement coffeehouse, I fortuitously noticed a book on the shelf at the top of the staircase titled “Choosing Civility.” It took me about four or five months to finish it (with Housewives shows in New York, New Jersey, Atlanta and Beverly Hills…there’s little time for books), and it really was truly enjoyable. I read it concurrently with a fiction book by James Lee Burke (usually only read fiction on weekends or when I travel)…so the point is that I only need about two or three of these non-fiction (non-TV time) books a year. So, after completing Choosing Civility I was eager to replace the non-fiction book so I made a return visit over to Politics and Prose this past Sunday to pick one up.

The store…which sits at 5015 Connecticut Ave just north of Cleveland Park in Washington, DC, is a certifiable classic. It’s actually been referenced in the comic strip Doonesbury of late…and the place really is quite the quintessential old-school bookstore.

http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/archive/2012/01/09

As I noted above, there is also a coffeehouse downstairs that is usually inhabited by more than a few gray ponytailed folks with berets who sip lattes while staring at their laptops. The store itself is usually filled with intellectual types, and with a book event planned at 1pm on this particular Sunday, it looked like a scene right out of a set on CSPAN (see previous post). The place was crawling with a bunch of bearded, tweed sports-coat wearing, white-haired peaceniks that likely spent a couple of August days near White Lake, New York before returning to their pretentious Ivy League schools in the fall of 1969. It was also just minutes before the AFC Division Championship game (living just minutes away…I knew I’d be home in time for kickoff), so you can imagine how the group looked that voluntarily chose to participate in a book event instead of watching an NFL playoff game. I hate to stereotype…but I’m guessing most in this group had never watched a WWF Smackdown or monster truck event, let alone possessed the requisite skills needed to change their motor oil or field-dress a Buck. I could go on-and-on…but let’s just say you can probably safely bet that not one person in the store this day owned even one piece of camo clothing. 





They were gathered to hear speaker Natalie Wexler, who apparently lives in the Politics and Prose neighborhood. She also recently wrote a book called “The Mother Daughter Show."  Ms. Wexler mentioned in her opening remarks (I didn’t want to listen but I couldn’t help but eavesdrop) that she had a couple of kids that attended the prestigious Sidwell-Friends school where the “First Family’s kids go.” Needless to say…I was dying to get home and turn on the Speed Channel or at least a few minutes of Man vs. Food.

I was just about to bolt when I spotted the self-help section on the back, right-hand side of the store. On the bottom shelf was a lone copy of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” and right above it to the left was a powder blue book entitled “The Art of Conversation – A Guided Tour of a Neglected Pleasure.”

Click here for book link

The book was a bit bigger than I typically like (too many pages…and worse…no pictures), but I couldn’t help but be intrigued by the title. I picked up the book and read the jacket, which essentially contended that fundamental conversational skills are becoming rare in an era where folks would rather stare at their smart phone than converse face-to-face. This is a problem, because the more conversational skills deteriorate, the better option a mobile device becomes for anyone faced with the choice.

For the most part I sleep fairly well, but to the degree I’m haunted by my myriad of shortcomings, nothing keeps slumber at bay more than thoughts of how much my conversational skills have dwindled (OK...worse things keep me up...but it sounded good for this post). My deficiencies manifest themselves in a litany of ways, but in a paramount tribute to rudeness, I routinely pull out my phone and glance at it amidst a conversation, repeatedly fail to listen and incessantly interrupt when I should be waiting my turn. I won’t bore you with all the highlights of the book (and...then there's the problem that I haven't read it yet), but as I wade into the opening chapters I’m reminded of a previous post where an article from the website The Art of Maniless was cited. That particular piece included five dos and don’ts, and as I reviewed it again this morning in anticipation of this writing, I was horrified at my tendency to routinely violate the basic principles…especially the don’ts. Below is a quick list of those don’ts and a couple of thoughts on each.

5 Don’ts of Conversation

Don’t interrupt.

Excuse me…but I need to share something quite relevant and if I don’t say it now…I’ll likely forget.

Don’t talk to only one person when conversing in a group.

Thankfully, the rule doesn’t say don’t talk to anyone in the group. I have such a horrific problem with eye contact that I never talk to only one person. Instead, I just kind of glance around at the ceiling…or just about anything but the people I’m supposed to be talking to. If others are talking and I'm supposed to be listening…I often just doze off…but I’m usually holding eye contact.

Don’t engage in “one-upping.”

By the way, last summer I went to Germany, France, Switzerland and Austria. Sorry…gotta run…the White House is calling.

Don’t overshare.

No problem here. Typically…I have so much to drink in the evenings that I don’t feel much like talking about my personal life. Plus…with all the digestive medical problems I’m having of late, I really don’t see the need to gone on-and-on about my torn meniscus.

Don’t say these four things…

“Am I boring you?”

Ha, ha, ha…not sure that’s even possible. Did I mention we also went to Italy? Let me tell you a story…

“Huh?” “What?” “Say What?” “Eh?” (the latter is okay if you use an ear-horn).

OK…claiming BS here.

 “Actually, you should say ‘between you and me,” not ‘between you and I.’”

Between you and I, me gets an A+ here. I don’t flaunt my grammar prowess and would see no upside to showing up anyone with who I’m speaking at.  

If you’re interested…you can check out the entire piece by clicking here. You really don’t have much to lose…you have to score better than me.

Several nights ago, I was watching a show called Austin City Limits. For me, this particularl episode was epic. If you have any affinity for Bob Wills or even the slightest appreciation for great musicians, please take a minute to click the link below to start the day with a song. If you find yourself smiling, you can click the next link and listen to the whole album (just hit “play all”). You may as well just do it…you can work and listen to music too.

Have a great weekend.

The Song

The Album

...and I'm already watching some good TV

Over the course of many postings, I’ve made more than the occasional (why is it I can NEVER spell occasional right the first try…must be the two Cs and one S thing) reference to my propensity for filling much of my free time, or at least post-school-night work time with alcohol and trash TV. I’ve actually had well-meaning colleagues, who legitimately horrified by what they see as a tragic waste of good time, ask me if I really go home most nights and drink a bottle of wine and watch two hours of garbage like the Kardashians or Housewives. Well, in complete candor, the answer to that question is as you might expect…no. Depending on how bad the day is and the time I get home, there are times when I’ll spend three hours watching TV and get into a second bottle of wine.

I do tire a little bit though of all the pretentious criticism of TV by folks who claim to spend their evenings cooking with ingredients like nutmeg, reading foreign language copies of Tolstoy and listening to Bach. Yes, I know there are some people that actually spend precious time doing such things, and my philosophy is live and let live. If individuals want to spend their time wasting time with these cultured pursuits so be it, just don’t run down the tangible value that comes from a comprehensive understanding of your cable box and flat screen. I also think TV is often given a bad name, and that folks would actually be amazed to find out what they can learn simply by turning on the television. I commented on this back in the summer, and decided to spend some time again this morning perusing the various channels in an effort to enrich my brain.

Thankfully, the first cat I came across was evangelist Peter Popoff on BET. I was relieved to find he’s still peddling his Miracle Spring Water (the supply I ordered in the summer is running low) but I was amazed to learn the expansive powers of the water. Apparently, MSW can be used for something called Devine Debt Reduction.  I had been using my for other less productive things (you can probably take one look at me and figure out I don’t need conventional moisturizer anymore) but now the water can be used to eliminate money you thought you had an obligation to pay to other people. There were actually credible believers that have used MSW to cancel debts of 27K, 20K and 25K. And here we were blaming Wall Street for the bank failures. Almost makes me feel sorry for Barclays that manages my U.S. Airways MasterCard. They think they’re getting the usual minimum payment this month, and now all I’m going to do is sprinkle a little water on the invoice when the bill arrives. Now…you may be skeptical, but if you go to  www.peterpopoff.org , you might stop making so much fun of TV.

On WPXW there is a show called Inspiration Camp Meeting. Here, you simply plant a $1,000 seed of faith and bam…you’re looking right down the barrel of added prosperity. They even beamed folks in from a mountaintop in Jerusalem.  If you click the link below, you can watch a video of Dr. Todd Coontz talking about the seed planting phenomenon. I planted three seeds; so needless to say, I’m a cinch for the 1% crowd in no time. http://www.inspirationcampmeeting.com/  BTW…I’m guessing you’ve probably figured this out, but even if you’re skeptical of Dr. Coontz, this is a fairly low risk proposition if you play it right. Inspiration Ministries takes credit cards, so you can charge your seed(s) and (I bet you know where I going with this) when the bill arrives…yep…miracle spring debt cancellation.

On the same channel…at 6am, the Bosely Hair Restoration show offered “honest, up close and personal results.” If you need hair, you can go to www.BOSLEY.com. This may sound ridiculous, but if you call now you get a free information kit and a free $250 Gift Certificate. The number is 1-800-422-3169. I won’t go into details, but there were a bunch of very credible doctors (they even wore their white coats) talking about the balding culprit “DHT” (find that in your freaking novel). Essentially, the hair on the back of your head is “permanent” hair. They take that hair and move it into the contaminated “DHT” area and bingo, shades of Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Once again, you may be skeptical…but if you saw the same before and after pictures I was viewing…you’d already be on www.BOSELY.com. For a list of the followers of this blog that should go to BOSELY.com…click here. OK…that didn’t really work…but admit it…you clicked.

Next channel up, on A&E, you can get Natural Advantage. It’s something for your skin (if you don’t have any Spring Water) that will produce younger looking skin in just 1 week. Not only that, but it’s an amazing bargain at $89.95. My lord, my faith seeds are kicking in…the price just plummeted to $59.95 as I type and I’m getting free shipping. There’s even an attractive actress for added credibility. I don’t remember her name, but she’s got a sophisticated English (or maybe it’s Boston) accent. You can also get some special eye cream for only $29.95. You may think this sounds like crap, but you can get all this all at www.NaturalAdvantage.com. BTW, there was a nationally acclaimed esthetician (I don’t know what that is) from Beverly Hills that uses it in her salon. Don’t know if you’ve ever been to Beverly Hills, but I actually had an apartment there when I was going through the apprenticeship, and if you saw the cars people drove, you’d buy Natural Advantage.

On Spiked HD, Montel Williams was doing a show about an amazing product that will catapult your television hosting career. OK, that was joke. He was talking about some sort of little brown box (kind of looks like a humidifier but it’s a Living Pure Heater). It purifies, humidifies and cleans the air while it warms. Not trying to be a smartass here, but really, why would you opt for a system that just provides impure, dry and dirty heat when you can have Montel’s system? You can buy this for only $39 and you get free S&H. Check it out on www.BuyLivingPure.com. Montel was even showing “the guys” that were watching that you can set the temperature right on the front of the unit. It’s odd, watching him in action now, I can’t imagine why his career went in the toilet. I’m guessing he resisted the faith seeds.

On the next channel up was something I’d never heard of or seen before. It was called CSPAN, and seemed to be a bunch of professorial types with white hair and tweed jackets (with elbow patches) sitting in a classroom setting talking about books and history. I’ve got one word for you….Zzzzzz.

On WGN Marie Osmond was doing a commercial for nutrisystem. She was saying the time for change is right now. You can get Marie’s system at www.nutrisystem.com/tv. If you want to go old school, you can call at 1-888-950-THIN. Once again, not trying to over sell here but if there wasn’t anything to this do you really think their randomly assigned phone number would really end with numbers that match up with “THIN?”

On SYFYHD TV you can get OrGREENiC (not sure what’s up with the caps…but that’s how they spell it) pots and pans. I’m really not sure what the angle is, but the cookware is green and it may even be biodegradable. To be honest, this wasn’t one of the better infomercials. It almost seemed more appropriate for that CSPAN channel. Anyway…if you’re interested you can check it out at www.OrGREENiC.com 

If you have pain anywhere, there’s a very good chance it’s linked to chronic inflammation. Thankfully, there is a new natural pain reliever that produces remarkable results. The amazing product is derived from cactus in the Sonoran Desert and is called Nopalea. If you’re smart enough to try this miracle cure, you can take the Nopalea Challenge by calling now to 1-800-497-8033. If you’re a cynic you might think this is some kind of marketing ploy, but if you sprinkle a little of Popoff’s Miracle Spring Water on that skepticism and open your mind a little bit, you’ll realize they’ll give you a free 32 oz. bottle. More importantly, it comes in some kind of revolutionary bottle.

Once you get rid of the pain, you can actually improve your brain by trying Dr. Smalls’ 14-Day plan. It apparently includes a healthy diet rich in anti-oxidants. Wait…the Doctor just said “some fats are good for us” so there may be hope for me. Stress is also a reason we can’t remember things, and it’s not good for memory. Under chronic stress, our bodies release something  that kills brain cells (Hmmm…how can stress work like wine?). Unlike these other informational shows, there haven’t put up any numbers for Dr. Smalls’ product but I’m hopeful you can find it somewhere.

Up another couple of channels was the same fellow that had been urging us to plant $1,000 faith seeds (Dr. Todd Coontz). This time, the little icon at the bottom of the screen said www.rockwealth.org  so he may be doing some side work away from Inspiration Ministries. He was still making the tie between my willingness to fork over my money and the inevitable wealth that would come my way as a result of my giving what little I have to him. It’s kind of funny all the money people spend attainting high-browed MBAs when you can just watch Dr. Coontz. He has the remedies to any financial or personal stress you may be going through right now. Again…check it out. http://www.rockwealth.org/

Oreck has an air purifier called the Pro Shield Plus. Not sure why you need this if you have the heater above that heat’s and cleans, but perhaps this would be a great option for the summer when you don’t need heat. This show had a bunch of very believable testimonials from incredibly credible real people. The seemed so sincere, and all them sung the praises of the company. You can get the Pro Shield Plus’s 6-Stage filtration system with the patented Truman Cell  by going to www.TryDualMax.com  or by calling 1-800-892-5275. It never needs replacing and cleaning it is a snap. If that’s not enough for you, it’s made right here at home in Cookeville, TN. You can try it at home for 30 days for free. If you like it, keep it…and if you don’t return and David Oreck pays the Shipping and Handling. This is especially appealing, because you may be a bit low on cash if you’ve planted a lot of faith seeds and haven’t utilized the debt cancellation water. Then again, at least you know it’s only a matter of time before your ship comes in.

On Spike TV, John and Char are giving people Free Money. While I was watching, they gave an unsuspecting person a check they didn’t know they had coming for 91K. You get it for $29.95 from Kevin Trudeau by calling 1-800-709-6682. You also get a couple of other free books that show you how to get other free stuff. This is so good, the government is apparently ready to “shut Kevin down.”

OK…my brain is on overload and I’ve done my deed for the day. I also cannot type anymore without some MSW and with my debt; I can’t afford to spend the precious drops I have left on curing my looming carpal tunnel. I was also tempted to sprinkle a little on my laptop to handle the typos and misspellings, but until more arrives, I just don’t think that’s wise.

Have a great day and a wonderful weekend. Enjoy some music too.

 Some Friday morning music

 

...and I'm going to remember these 10 things

Among the things I find really amazing are the rare breed of people that have truly mastered the art of winning friends and influencing people. This fascination exists for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that it is yet another area of my own life where I have undeniably failed miserably. This is especially shameful to me, because  I was provided both an early awareness of the importance of such interpersonal skills and a better than average opportunity to develop at least some of these talents.

Back when I was about 20…maybe even younger, my father identified unflattering characteristics in my personality and essentially implored me to read Dale Carnegie’s well-known 1936 masterpiece “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Though there was immediate tangible value in the simple wisdom of the easy read, I’ve somehow managed to push those ultimate truths to the dark corners of the brain. Even more troubling, these failings have only accelerated with advancing years, and despite the knowledge that is supposed to come with aging, it is clear to me I have only regressed as the time has passed.

About five years ago, I walked into the office of a colleague who I admire and who struck me as among the rare few that didn’t need to read Dale’s book. As we chatted, I barely noticed an unimpressive and old-school 8x14 Xerox list subtly displayed on the wall. Consistent with someone that lacks the minimal civility to win friends or influence people, I rudely let my eyes wander amidst our conversation to the list and its contents. The title, The Ten Commandments of How to Get Along With People, immediate caught my eye. Seeing my interest, my coworker stated it was something she received from another colleague. I asked her if I could get a copy, and consistent with item #3 on the commandments below, she pledged to make me a copy and delivered it to my office several days later.

My intent was to review the list before the start of each day, and for about a week, I did just that. Over time, that ritual deteriorated to about once a week…and then once a month…and then once every couple of years. After a particularly frustrating week, I came into the office yesterday morning lamenting all that was wrong with the world, and unexplainably happened to glance up at the 8x14 list (I brought it with me to this still new office). As used to happen much more frequently, I was again reminded that most of my frustration was due to me…and once again reviewed the list in detail.

I did more than that…and actually took the time to type up the entire list for this blog (if you know Mark Zorbrisky you can verify this…he walked in and caught me). I have no doubt there are much better lists, but for some reason, I just like the simplicity of this particular litany. As I read through it again, it was like a sobering glance in the mirror…and I was rudely reminded of how deficient I am in so many of the areas. As often is the case, I couldn’t help but fantasize how much better my life would be if I could just improve a little bit in each of these areas.

The list appears immediately below…and I took the liberty to include some thoughts (in read) after each commandment.

Ten Commandment of How to Get Along With People

1)    Keep skid chains on your tongue; always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it often counts more than what you say.

Thinking back, it’s amazing to think how much heartache and embarrassment I could have saved by just keeping my mouth shut…especially at certain times. I used to understand the value of silence, but sadly over the years, that lesson has somehow faded.

2)    Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to our about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it. If criticism is needed, criticize helpfully and never spitefully.

OK…not going to brag here, but this might be the only area where I may be adequate. Perhaps it’s no better than C+ work, but I’ve always been truly touched by hardworking people and really do try to praise their good work.

3)    Make promises sparingly, and keep them faithfully, no matter what it costs.

Actually, my remedy here is just to make very few promises. I get low marks on following through….so in general I try to keep them to a minimum.

4)    Be interested in others, their pursuits, their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice, with those who weep mourn. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard them as a person of importance.

Once again, not a good reflection in the old looking glass. D work here at best…way too consumed with my own life to convey too much interest in the lives of those around me.

5)    Be cheerful. Don’t burden or depress those around you with your aches and pains and small disappointments. Remember, everyone is carrying some kind of load…and it’s often way worse than the one you’re bearing.

Uff da….this one actually hurts. Ask me how I’m doing and you’ll get an earful on everything that’s wrong with the world and a comprehensive update on the status of my torn meniscus. You can give me a solid F in this department.

6)    Keep an open mind. Discuss but don’t argue. It is a mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.

My lord this is hard. Another real area of weakness for me. Not seeing a whole lot of need for an open mind when I already know I’m right the lion’s share of the time.

7)    Let your virtues, if you have any, speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of another’s vices. Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time and can be extremely destructive.

Discourage gossip?...not sure that even makes sense. If kibitzing about the bad deeds of others was wrong, I don’t think god would have made it such an entertaining way to pass such large blocks of  time. I’m sure as heck not going to share my own transgressions with others, so I may as well spend the hours hashing over the sordid rumors of someone else’s existence. With respect to virtues, I’d love to keep a low profile but the fact of the matter is at the end of the day, I am pretty cool.

8)    Be careful of another’s feelings. Wit and humor at the other person’s expense are rarely worth it and may hurt when least expected.

OK…going to have to just flat out claim baloney here. It’s much funnier when it comes at someone else’s expense.  

9)    Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Remember, the person who carried the message may not be most accurate reporter. Simply live so that nobody will believe them. Disordered nerves and bad digestion are a common cause of back-biting.

Uh…I’m not sure this is right either. It might be the cause of entertainment, but I don’t get any indigestion.

10) Don’t be too anxious about the credit due you. Do your best and be patient. Forget about yourself and let others “remember.” Success is much sweeter that way.

What…forget about myself? Presuming that’s even possible (and I’m conceding nothing here), what would I think about instead? Also…and I’m just saying here, what about all the stellar work I’ve done lately that others are taking credit for? I mean…I can’t think of any specifics…but it’s there…trust me.

As always...I apologize for any typos, misspellings, and all the really poor grammar.

The Friday Song