As happens much too often these days, I woke up early
this morning and there wasn’t a whole lot of value in any of the things
swimming around in my head. More importantly, much like last Friday, there didn’t
appear to be much at all which rose to the level of sharing with all of you.
It did dawn on me though that a good buddy had sent along
an article in the middle of the week which included a speech given to college
graduates at a recent 2013 commencement ceremony. I often don’t read things
sent to me by other people, mostly because I’ve convinced myself that I I don’t
have the time to read things I’d like to send to other folks, let alone the time
to squeeze in their respective recommendations.
I also don’t typically read them because they’re often
some advice about more effective ways to brush your teeth, or come with titles
like “10 ways to fight halitosis” or “How to be a better manager.” Most of the
time I’m not interested in the implication that I need to become a better
listener, or use a more effective deodorant, but the email with the link to the
referenced article came with a rare disclaimer, which assured me that it was
being passed on not because I needed to read it, but ironically because I did
not. I wasn’t long into reading the speech when I realized that my good friend
had lied, but though it was sadly obvious I indeed needed to read it, I enjoyed
it nonetheless.
The gist of the advice being passed along in the typical
template for commencement speech had to do with the sage speaker sharing the
things he was most sorry about in his life…and about how those deepest of
regrets really weren’t about the big things that one might assume. I don’t want
to ruin it for you, but in essence he contended that the thing he wished he
done more of was to simply be more kind.
He recalled a story from his youth about an unpopular
classmate, and all the opportunities he passed up to ease that kid’s torture
and pain. This immediately resonated with me, as I am still excruciatingly
haunted by all the kids I treated poorly, or at least not as well as I should
have given the hell some of them faced at the hands of so many others. Much like the author, these missed
opportunities to have been better are the things that still make me cringe…even
after as much as 40 years.
Even now, with the theoretical wisdom that should come
with well over four decades, I screw this up almost daily. Sure, there are
infrequent flashes when I may do better than C work, probably even a rare
occurrence where I’m above average. But most days there are multiple missed opportunities
for even the simplest acts of kindness, and reading the article made me realize
all the more how miserably I still fall short.
Somehow the importance of this seems all the more
relevant in the digital age. Though I try to fight it, I’m saddened at the
snark that too often seeps into my electronic messages. Too frequently, there’s
a tone that I would almost never use if the conversation were taking place
face-to-face. There are also times where I’m forwarded email exchanges where
the level of vitriol is off the charts…and at the very least, I’m reminded that
I have a lot of company when it comes to missing opportunities to take a better
path.
Not sure this is an ultimate truth, but I’m going to bet
that as we get older, or face bigger challenges, or have a loved one receive a
tough diagnosis (or get one ourselves), such added insight will tweak our
perspective to the point where we place a much higher importance on simple
things like kindness. As the article wisely notes,,, the people I remember most
in my life are those that were the kindest.
I can’t be certain about this, but I’m guessing the
preponderance of what I get most worked up about on an almost daily basis will
seem like total trivial BS when the score is tallied up at the end. Even now,
when I look back at some of the biggest fights, I remember more about the
battle then I do about the specifics that led to the disagreement. I often
wonder if there aren’t a lot of people standing in amazement at a mushroom
cloud they created…trying to remember what it was that actually sparked the
altercation that led to mutually destructive, all-out war.
So…what ‘s the point of all this? Well, unlike most weeks
there actually is one…please read the linked article. It’s a bit long, but I’m
guessing you won’t be sorry. Have a great weekend, and whether it’s a simple
gesture, an encouraging word, a warm smile or even just a genuine hug, look for
every opportunity to be kind. Do it now…so you don’t regret it later like me.
BTW…It’s Sturgis Rally week. So while everyone else is
sleeping I’m sitting on the porch of my cousin’s South Dakota ranch answering
emails and trying to write a blog. Made
one pass at this baby, and I can only imagine the level of poor grammar, lousy
spelling and just plain bad writing. So…just know I’m sorry.
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