...so sit for a spell and visit with a friend over coffee

As she does just about every Sunday morning, my mom called at about 11:40am (8:40 PDT) to chat a bit before heading out to church services at the Disciples of Christ Church in Santa Paula, California. Amidst the conversation mostly about the goings on in her relatively small California citrus agriculture town southeast of Santa Barbara, she pivoted subjects to the old home area of Abercrombie, North Dakota and mentioned that longtime resident Louise Haarstad had passed away. Louise was the wife of Oscar Haarstad, who along with his brother Selmer (Sam) owned the old Ford Dealership and Oliver Farm Implement store on the north side of Broadway toward the east end of the main business district of the small Midwest hamlet.

I didn’t know Louise particularly well, but whenever I was back “home” in Aber (as it’s called by most locals) and would walk into the Community Hall for coffee each morning, Louise always greeted me with a smile and warmth one would usually reserve for a beloved grandkid. The news of her passing got me thinking about that little town that sits just west of the Red River which serves as the border for the neighboring state of Minnesota, and about how much time I spent there from about 1980 to 2000. At least once each year (usually more) over that two-decade span, I would go back for extended periods to visit my family and even worked several times out of the IBEW hall in Fargo. There were a ton of good things about those yearly excursions, but one of the best was walking uptown each morning when possible and kibitzing with the old folk over coffee at the community hall.   

The community center where they’d meet Monday through Saturday in the Richland County, North Dakota town of approximately 264 stands almost in the center of the main drag on the southwest corner Broadway (County Road 4) and 2nd street. The almost exclusively American made cars and pickups that belong to the townsfolk and farmers that gather each morning for coffee are parked head-first into the curb at a 45-degree angle along Broadway across from the old meat market. The former butcher shop, which was converted into senior apartments, sits sandwiched between the Abercrombie, ND post office and the building that formerly housed the Aber Café (which was owned by my mom’s brother and my uncle Donald). Just as a side note, that old meat market had a sign in front of the front driveway on the garage door that made the Paul Harvey radio show one day. It read something like “Park here and be ground.”

The Aber Bar, with its classic red and white Schmidt’s beer sign, still operates just west of old Café (there’s a new metal building which houses the Aber Grocery in between) and just east of the post office on the north side of Broadway is the old building that housed the old Haarstad Ford dealership (mentioned above) which closed several decades ago. Across 2^nd street from the Community Center are the remnants of an old gas station (Texaco as I recall) and just south of that on the east side of the gravel 2^nd street heading south is the old brick blacksmith shop that still stands today. I believe the town uses it to store various machinery.

 

 

The west end of town is bordered by the Emanuel Lutheran Church and cemetery where generations of area folks rest peacefully along “Old 81.” That once major north/south highway which stretched northward through Fargo to the Canadian boarder and once as far south as the Mexican line has long since been replaced by Interstate 29. Like so many of the towns that dried up and died when bypassed by the Interstate highway system, Abercrombie should probably have perished too…but it didn’t. The Fargo & Southern and Milwaukee Road railroad tracks are gone. So are the banks, several gas stations, the hardware store, the Ford dealership, the café, the Blacksmith and several other businesses. But the Post Office, the Standard gas station, the Grocer, Red River Telephone, a newer truss factory and of course the bar, are still all operating. At least part of the reason  the small town survived is probably due to the historic Fort Abercrombie which sits on the west bank of the River. Parts of the fence and several blockhouses still stand today, and County road 4 which leads into Aber literally stretches across the Red River from Minnesota before winding directly through the Historic Fort.

 

 

As mentioned above, at least for me my favorite thing about this place was going up to the Community Hall each morning was chatting with the various old characters that sat around the table. They always seemed to get a kick out of the kid from Los Angeles, and by first time I’d walk in for coffee each trip, it usually wouldn’t be a surprise because the news of my blue pickup with California plates parked in my Grandpa’s or Uncle’s driveway had usually made its way around  town. I’d always receive a warm greeting from everybody...better than I ever received back in LA, and would often spend hours just sitting and visiting with regulars like Phil Balmey, Ed Herrick, Wayne Herrick, Munce, Kenny Jacobson, Jalmer Larson, Eddie Miller, Fritz Snyder, Maynard, Chief, and a host of other staples. My grandpa would never come up...he saw no good reason to part with 35 cents for coffee that he could brew at home for less. The men sat at one table and would talk about the weather, the price of wheat, how many bushels per acre of soy beans they got on the Anderson land, and the amount of moisture in the rain gage out in their various yards. They’d also repeat a lot of old stories…and tell some really bad jokes. I always laughed though…there was just kind of a weird therapy to it all.

A not so slightly higher grade of conversation took place at an adjancent table where the women would sit and visit too. They’d also collaborate on some daily puzzle in the Fargo Forum newspaper (Jumble I think) and I always got points for crossing the forbidden gender lines and daring to sit with the women a spell. I’d chat  with folks like Irene Erickson, Ceil Larson, Elaine and always Louise. Folks always seemed appreciative…but I always left each morning knowing full-well I’d gotten far more out of the experience than any of them ever received by talking with me. The best part was the daily ritual offered a consistency and peace that was so lacking in the chaos of a big and socially cold city like Los Angeles. No matter what, no matter how crazy things were in Los Angeles, I knew I could hop in my pickup anytime and within 40 hours (of driving) or so, I’d have the healing of the Abercrombie Community Hall and it’s wholesome people that I knew would be there forever.

I haven’t by back there since my uncle Donald died over five years ago, and the last time I did visit one of the old chaps that was always happiest to see me looked at me with a confused expression after we talked for a spell and said “who am I talking to…I don’t remember you.”  There are still one or two of them left, but to the best of my knowledge almost all of the folks mentioned above have passed away. Many…have been gone for years. Now…Louise has joined them too.  

What’s the point of all this? I don’t know either. But if you find yourself too wrapped up in the day-to-day chaos of life, you may want to take at least a moment to recognize that the things you may take for granted that won’t be here forever. Stop…inhale, look around, and take in the people, pets and things about the world that mean the most to you. You can initiate that perspective gaining experience by having a good weekend, and by starting it with a little good music. Have a good two days, and whatever you’re doing, don’t forget to breathe.

 

Any old time...

...and if you haven't been on the cover of GQ...read on

It’s not often I waste much time reading drivel on the internet. Sure, I sit for endless hours at home with my laptop open, but that’s mostly light multi-tasking like looking for Fort Lauderdale retirement properties or shopping for a new ukulele. The cool thing is that I can do this casual surfing while enriching my brain by keeping up with the Kardashians or watching the New Jersey Housewives 3-part reunion on television. Just as a side note, there are times, like say a NASCAR Sprint Cup race were I’m just too focused to be distracted by a computer…but that’s not what I’m talking about here.  I can get into some heavy laptop work when my wife is watching some mindless hogwash about a new book on CSPAN (Zzzz…) or the snore-fest presidential debates, but for the most part I put off serious computer work that requires a ton of focus (like adjusting my fantasy lineup) for times when I’m alone and can really concentrate absent the interference of television.

One of the few benefits of getting up at 3:55am each weekday is I have just that kind of time to focus on online work. This past Wednesday I was down in the basement gym and between bench-press reps, answering emails and checking my ESPN waiver order, I noticed a news story on MSN about the craziest men’s fashion faux pas of the last 20 years. If you’re forced to read it appeared to be the dream story with lots of big pictures and short captions, so I dove in.

Well, as someone who is pretty confident I’m styling by virtue of my adult Garanimals (click here to learn more), I always take special pleasure in catching up on the idiotic styles of men who are convinced they’re reinventing the world through drawing attention to themselves by looking like morons.  Thankfully the article didn’t disappoint.  The goofy pictures accompanied by blistering comments were hilarious, and the piece effectively poked fun at a myriad of incredibly stupid fashion trends tried by adult males.

They covered a ton of ground…blasting guyliner (eyeliner for men) and ridiculing ridiculous hairstyles that included frosted tips, faux hawks and mullets. They made fun of wallet chains (noting that most knuckleheads that wear them have little or nothing in their wallets to secure), and slammed Ashton Kutcher for wearing manpris (capris pants for men…and they had pictures of him). They rightfully crucified men’s sandals or “mandals” (permissible perhaps if you’re parting the Red Sea…otherwise just wear shoes), sweat suits (OK for aging mafia folks), carpenter jeans (but only if you’re really working with a hammer and nails) and chinstrap beards (fine if you’re pre-puberty and can’t grow real facial hair).

They pummeled soul patches, flat-billed baseball caps, sagging pants (if you’re going to wear them that low, just walk around in your underwear), wind pants and visors. They even addressed those that have completely thrown in the fashion towel, and made fun of men that were Crocs.

Needless to say the dead-on piece was funny, and while scrolling through I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at all the foolish fashion don’ts committed by so many of my brethren. It was also refreshing to see somebody telling it like it is when it comes to such poor style sense. I was thoroughly enjoying all the fun when all of the sudden, the next picture was of the once popular loose-fitting clown pants known as  Zubaz. While these baggy pants may have looked a little weird, I used to wear them with regularity back in the late 80’s and when I did…I looked cool. I had a white-and-black pair and  a pink-and-black pair, and along with my bare mid-drift Pit Bull Gym muscle tees and lime-green fanny pack, I actually looked pretty hip.  

The arrogance of the article was starting to get a little annoying really, and I begin to wonder who in the hell anointed these folks as fashion police and gave them the right to make fun of men’s fashion…especially former staples of my wardrobe. I let it slide though, because while they were wrong about the Zubaz, the rest of the previous pictures were truly spot on. Then…I scrolled to the next picture.

It was a photo country singer Kenny Chesney with a puka shell necklace and a caption that read simply “No Shelled Necklaces.”  Now…while the first part of this lame article was barely worth a chuckle, this was clearly not funny at all.  What the hell is wrong with wearing puka shells? I’ve proudly sported a tight white shell necklace every day since about 1975 (perhaps that’s their point), and I don’t see what the heck is wrong with it. Sure…it may be a little old-school, but it’s not like I’m walking around with pierced holes in my earlobes big enough to hang a week’s worth of dry-cleaning or going out in public wearing bright colored skinny jeans. These shells are who I am, and represent a  youth where every, single summer day was spent riding the waves in Santa Monica. Every single summer day.  I’ve earned these shells, and now that I’ve heard they’re taboo (for the hundredth time), I’m never taking them off. Never.

This is why it’s a waste a lot of time reading…especially the junk that’s online. Most of it just isn’t credible. Thank god for Deadliest Catch and Iron Men…now that’s the way to spend your discretionary time.

When this whole Friday morning email/blog thing started, it really was more about the music. I suspect only one of two of the six folks that read this pitifully performing blog each week actually click the link to the song. If I were you I’d skip the poor mistake-filled writing that leads into the music, and just click the link to the tune. That’s really the idea…to start your morning with a song before the business and craziness of the day conspire to rob you of the morning peace. Today’s offering won’t be everybody’s favorite musical genre, but the vocal harmonies and solo instrumental riffs in this tune should be enjoyable even if you’re a man sporting a mullet and wearing a sweat suit with mandals (and socks).

Have a great weekend.

It's too late...

…and if you’re interested…here’s the article.

Mandatory - Craziest men's fashion styles

...and those jingle bells are fast approaching

There are fourteen tabs along the bottom of the holiday card Excel spreadsheet, one for each year since 1999 when the then rather simple process of writing a few festive greetings to friends and business associates became a bit more formalized. I always sent out a few cards to family and friends in the years prior to that…but when going to work for my local union in the late nineties, it seemed like a good idea to keep track of the names and addresses in a more organized way. If you click the 1999 tab you can plainly see the 16 business-related folks (didn’t list the family cards in the early years) that received cards that first more organized year, and all but one of the original sixteen recipients are still on the list today.

The spreadsheet is really pretty systematized for a generally scatter-brained person like me, and includes columns for names, addresses, date written and the date the cards are eventually mailed. There are 285 cards on the 2012 tab (there were 283 in 2011…which means only 2 were added in 2012…I’ve gotta get out more) so I started the process of writing the first one this year on October 2nd (last year it was October 14th). Basically, I have to average roughly 5 cards each business day to get them all done by the preferred early December mailing date. I come into the office each weekday about 6:30am, click on the Butch Thompson Trio holiday station on Pandora and start writing…usually covering the entire card with a hand-written note. You see, that’s the deal…to me a genuine old-school holiday card has to contain at least some old fashioned hand-written writing. For the love of god, I’ve never figured out why folks send cards containing only an antiseptic pre-written message…often failing to even sign their name. However as we rapidly plunge into a prosaic (learned that word this week looking for an antonym for romantic) headphone-wearing culture that increasingly proposes marriage via mobile device, it’s obvious that’s no longer the prevailing sentiment.

The reason the list is so long is that you can engage in some pretty sketchy behavior without getting removed. You can routinely ridicule my work, insult my politics, fail to stay in touch, gleefully point out my poor grammar, correct my use of the word “literally” in this blog, make fun of my poor spelling, vote Republican, be a bully, drive cars made by children in Korea, consistently dominate every conversation, possess an ego bigger than Kansas and even generally act like a jackass and still receive a card.  I’ve got all kinds in there, including folks that I haven’t talked to or heard from in over ten years and at least a couple that don’t care for me at all.

 

For the most part though the cool thing is the list is made up of people I largely admire and adore…who put up with all my bad behavior (including many of the sins listed above) throughout the year while still managing to give me more out of a relationship than I ever provide or ever will give back in return. It’s a good list…and to be honest, other than changing your address  without telling me (there’s even a workaround for that), I really can’t think of one thing you can do to stop receiving cards.   Well…then again…I guess there is one way.

Early each October when I turn my attention to the card writing ritual, I always open the Excel program and create a tab for the current year. When I do, I scroll through the list and reminisce fondly about (or cuss at) each person. Eventually though I happen upon the name of someone that’s passed away…and when that occurs, I highlight the name in yellow and make the appropriate note. Usually, the impact of having to mark these passings causes me to reflect a bit, and count up the number of those that are gone since the process began. Sometimes I go back to see how long a person has been gone…and it is figuratively (actually…I think this is where you can actually use literally) shocking to me to see how long it’s often been. Many times I’m thinking the person passed just a year or two ago…but usually I am figuratively blown away (I think I’m getting this literally/figuratively thing down) when I realize it’s often been five or more years.

This year I had to highlight the names of good close friends and true mentors. When I started writing their respective cards at this time last year, there was zero indication that they wouldn’t be around this season. As far as I and most others knew they were perfectly healthy…and now, they are no longer here. There are seven highlighted rows on the 2012 spreadsheet, and all of the folks made a profound impact on my life and are people that I thought would be here forever.

I don’t want to highlight any more names in yellow in 2013, so please slow down long enough to enjoy life and the approaching holiday season. Life is far more fragile than so many of us realize, and if you think work is the most important thing in the world than you really do need to go for a run, or pour a glass of red wine, or watch a sunrise, or walk a dog, or hug a child or do whatever meaningful thing floats your boat.  As a matter of fact, it’s going to be a wonderful pre-election Fall weekend, so if you’re doing a little understandable electoral work, you might want to also make the time to do at least some of those other important things too. I’m sending out 285 union made holiday cards this year, and I want to order and use at least that many in 2013 so take care of yourself and stick around.

Have a great weekend and don’t forget to listen to a little music.

 

Through many dangers, toils and snares...

...and if you're a teacher, you really should smile

While finishing up a relaxing dinner Wednesday night I heard the unwelcome sound of the revving motorcycle ringtone on my mobile device and reluctantly walked into the kitchen to retrieve the phone and see who was calling. Thankfully, I recognized the name that popped up on the screen as my good friend and NFL agent Chuck Price. It would be a better story to go on about how he was calling to suggest I vindicate my embarrassing collegiate punting career by suiting up as a modern day George Blanda for the Redskins this weekend, but being a good judge of gridiron talent and a successful agent, that’s not why he was calling.

As it turns out he was sitting out in California with Rahim and Hasan Mohamed, a couple of former players of ours dating back to our high school coaching days at Fairfax High School in Los Angeles. The two talented brothers had been our quarterbacks back in the early 90s (first Rahim…then his younger brother Hassan), and both of them also started in the secondary for me  on our defensive squads (almost everybody played both ways). Rahim and Hassan also lead the Fairfax Lions to consecutive undefeated league titles, all while maintaining decent grades which they both parlayed into college football careers and solid four-year degrees.

Chuck opened the call by saying the three of them were sitting around after practice (they’re now all coaching part time at a school in LA) telling old stories and they started laughing when the conversation moved to me. He handed the phone to Hassan first, and though it’s been over 20 years, we started reminiscing and laughing as though we were still standing on the Fairfax Ave field of the West Hollywood campus. After talking and cutting up a bit with Hassan, he passed the phone to his brother. Rahim and I also were also instantly time-warped back to the early nineties, and it was good to laugh and catch up with a great former player…and a now successful fully matured adult. Both brothers are doing well, have families, and are working as coaches molding the lives of young athletes. It was good to chat with the guys…and though it’s been over 20 years since those glorious football seasons at Fairfax, whenever I run into any of the “kids” from those great teams, they almost always make it a point to pass along thanks for the impact their coaches had on their lives.

Though I now reside in the east, each Fall I make a trek to Los Angeles and always take in an inner-city high school game while there (Last year it was Fairfax vs. Dorsey at the famed Jackie Robinson Stadium on Rodeo ((not the one in Beverly Hills)) Road on the west end of the Crenshaw District). There is nothing like an inner-city game on a Friday night under the lights, but the best part of the experience is that almost without fail, some former player (or players) will inevitably walk up on the sidelines with a warm fraternal greeting that transcends the decades. It is always so good to see these guys all grown up…now…as not so young men. But the best part is they always say thank you…over 20 years later…and to be honest…it always blows me away.

Perhaps it is just the dynamic of teaching young people that lends itself to the expression of gratitude from former students (players) so many years down the road…I’m not really sure. I only know that it really hasn’t happened in any other job I’ve ever held since…or in the one I have now. Maybe 20 years from now folks will swing by the Sunrise Assisted Living Facility on Connecticut to say thank  you for the annoying memos I sent them about not bringing their dog to work…but I’m thinking it won’t happen. There’s something about teachers that are special…and though I’m now 50, I think almost daily about former educators and coaches and the extraordinary impact they still have on my life still today.

 

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I get up before 4am and head out for a run. As I limp through through the dark DC streets, I am tempted to ease up...or just plain pack it in. Almost without fail, just when the pitfalls of aging, red wine addiction and my general physical deterioration conspire to convince me to quit, I can literally hear and see my old football coach Don Threatt screaming at me. "Come on boy...is that the best you've got..that's a crying shame." Then, just as I did over thirty years ago...I suck it up and kick it into high gear. Three decades later, and he's still encouraging me to do better.

So…to Mrs. Frazier, Miss Chan,  Miss Valenta, Miss Ito, Miss Sedor, Mrs. McConnell, Mrs. Peterson, Mr. Mc Elrath, Mr. Pearlman, Mrs. Lee (my piano teacher), Charlie Johnson, Leroy Nelson, Scott Porter, Gary Ledas, Leslie Williams, Coach Threatt, Jimmy Petterson, Jerry Solender, Coach Hahn, Coach Price, Coach Smith, Coach Donahue, Prof. Hoefer, Dr. Sue Schurman, Dr. Louis Gawthrop, Amanda Pacheco, Bob Pleasure, Fred Kotler, Mark Breslin, Gene Morrill, Jeff Grabelsky and most of all Mrs. Brungard, thank you for being the extraordinary educators and coaches that continue to influence my life and countless others every single day. It ain’t (only one of those named above taught English) always easy…but there is no nobler profession. Thanks for being a teacher. Thanks for making a difference. Thanks for making it last.

 

One of the best things several of named above passed along was an appreciation for all kinds of music. About the only good thing about this blog  each Friday is the attached song. So, in honor of another week in the books, take a minute and listen to a little music. This one has been played here before...well over a year ago...but it's worth the repeat. Have a great weekend.

 

Rock me mama...