...and you have a designated driver.

After dinner a couple of Friday’s ago my wife suggested we stop by the Politics and Prose book store so that she could pick up a book. She was out of books, and because she is the most voracious reader I know, this is a problem. Note…please don’t send me anything about how much you love your Kindle. This is weird to me, because I totally don’t get the whole book thing. Sure, I suspect they provided some entertainment back before indoor plumbing and Edison’s light bulb, but to me 54” HD flat screens and shows like American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior or The Housewives of New Jersey have made reading unnecessary. I suspect books may serve some purpose someday (maybe during an ice storm if you don’t have a generator), but until a transformer blows at Bravo and Kourtney, Khloe and Kim aren’t available seven nights a week…I’m just not getting the need to paint pictures with words.

So (it still trips me out how many people start sentences with “so”), I’m walking up the old staircase in the bookstore and on my left I notice a book called “Choosing Civility: 25 Rules for Considerate Conduct.” I glanced around the old store (I hadn’t been in there before), and noticed there weren’t any TVs. They had some comfy chairs, but I didn’t see a remote…let alone a flat screen…anywhere. I remember picking up the book and thinking it would be cool to skim, if only I had chosen to bring my reading glasses. I could see the title, but when I opened the book the number 10 font just looked like black lines. Then, it dawned on me there might be some reading glasses in the store (if you see me today, just call me MacGyver), and I found a small display around the corner on the counter. Unfortunately, all the glasses had flowered patterns and appeared to be for women, but I didn’t see anybody I knew (all home watching the Housewives Reunion I suspect) so I bit the bullet and began reading.  

I remember thinking it was a good thing it was a book because the subject matter had no future on cable TV. There was no instant hook like you get on Storage Wars or Man vs. Food, but I persevered nonetheless and it actually began to draw me in. For one thing, there was an early quote by Eric Hoffer noting that “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” This was immediately intriguing to me, because if I’ve noticed anything about myself over the years, it’s my undeniable de-evolution toward becoming an A-hole. There was a line about the “coarsing of America” (I used it last week), and it hit me like a lightning bolt because I often lament the coarsing of me. I used to be fairly considerate…or at least try to be, but over time…especially of late, I have simply become less considerate and more rude. Hell, there was a time when I NEVER even used profanity or even words like A-hole, and now, I think nothing of starting a sentence with the word hell (or much worse), and putting it on the internet for all to see.

A little bit later in the same chapter, the author was talking up the virtue of restraint. They contended that restraint is our inner designated driver, and it’s often what separates immediate gratification from later happiness. It encouraged the reader to do ask three questions before taking an action.

Do I really want to do this?

Will anyone be hurt by this?

Will I like having done this later?

I’d love to tell you I applied this criteria to everything I did this week, but that would be a lie. I did however try it quite a bit, and those three questions alone probably prevented me from sending about five fully composed (and rather acidic) emails. I also noticed I was a lot quieter, and I suspect the folks I work with appreciated that too. Now, after applying a little restraint, I have to admit I’m happier in the long run than I would have been with the instant gratification provided by zinging folks with a stinging electronic messages or a well-chosen caustic comment.  

Anyway, all this is yet another reason why there’s no point in reading with shows like Modern Family. Everything is so much less complicated when you simply watch TV. If everybody was reading books, especially about civility, they couldn’t even find people to be on shows like Housewives.

Have a wonderful weekend, and if you’re even slightly tempted to do anything inconsiderate, listen for your inner designated driver. Hopefully, many of those you encounter will reciprocate with the same consideration.

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